Ally

How do you know when a teenager is behaving abnormally?  I have no idea.  Irritable, jittery, anxious, voracious appetite, laying like a log while watching Netflix, difficulty sleeping and getting up in the morning...all seem normal and typical to me.  So, I didn't think anything of Ally's behavioral changes, and figured it was just because she was navigating the waters of adolescence with a very overbearing mother.

When she started having GI issues, I chalked it up to a bad diet, and advised her to not eat so much junk food.  When we would bundle up to walk to Allen Fieldhouse to watch the men's basketball team play in the coldest winter we'd had in years, I thought she was defying me by wearing nothing more than leggings, a jersey and a light coat, and sometimes taking the coat off while I was melodramatically declaring I'd get frostbite.

I thought nothing of it.  Then she asked me to please make an appointment to see her pediatrician, and didn't even care if that meant she had to get a colonoscopy.  That's when I really listened, and made the appointment for a Monday.  Meanwhile, I started researching what could be wrong?  Food allergies?  Crohn's Disease?  It wasn't nothing, because she would never ask for an appointment unless it was serious.

Crohn's Disease was ruled out, and we decided to start on an elimination diet.  As we were preparing to leave, I asked her pediatrician again about her thoughts on Crohn's, as she had recently developed a rash on her neck.  Thank God I did that, because that's when she noticed the puffiness in Ally's neck and ordered blood work be done to look at a few things, including her thyroid hormones.

First thing the next morning, her pediatrician called me and told me she had elevated thyroid hormones, hyperthyroidism and to immediately make an appointment for a sonogram of her neck and a follow up appointment with an endocrinologist.  By the end of the day, we knew she didn't have a tumor (YEA!!!), and we would wait another week before she would see the endocrinologist.

I truly thought the endocrinologist would order more blood work, and we made plans to get lunch and take her back to school.  Sam and I were very anxious for this appointment, and cleared our morning for it.  But you know Ethan--he is one funny monkey.  He came into our room at 4am that morning, and declared he was sick.  We registered a fever of 100, and Sam made the decision to stay at home with him while I took Ally to see the endocrinologist.  Ethan later confessed he was hot because he burrowed under his down comforter and really didn't want to go to school.  Rookie mistake!! And not by a rookie!!!  The little sneak with the adorable dimples capitalized on a weak moment.

Once we got to see the endocrinologist, she asked a few questions, looked at Ally's labs from the previous week, did an exam, and in the same breath, told me Ally had Graves Disease that was causing a thyroid storm and would be admitted, and please give her a minute so she could call the PICU to get a room ready.  Then she left the room.

Did she really just say that?  That my daughter is going to be admitted?  I have two sisters who are doctors, so I know what that means, but did she really mean that?  I was shocked, and even though my brain processed the words, my sensibility did not.

She came back and informed us Ally would have a room in an hour while they prepped it.  I foolishly asked "So, can I take her out to lunch until it's ready?  She's hungry and I need to get something into her."  Her doctor looked at me and stated very clearly "I cannot let her walk down the hall.  She has a risk of cardiac arrest with her heart rate at 147, and we need to monitor her here until her room is ready."

Hearing that your 13 year old has a risk of a heart attack is eerie and very surreal.  I sat myself right down and looked at Ally, who waited until her doctor left the room before she broke down into heaving sobs.  I held her, and kept my composure, because I did not want to upset her any further.  When she finally calmed down, she told me "You can leave if you need.  I can take care of myself.  It's a lot.  I know you will need a break.  You will reach a breaking point, and you don't have to hold it in for me.  I can take care of myself."  That is the kind of kid Ally is--always a mom and taking charge of everything and everyone around her.  I assured her I was not leaving her, and nobody could make me leave.

After three full days in the hospital and the decision to not increase her meds any further (she is on pretty high doses), they allowed us to take her home and monitor her where she is more comfortable.  Her heart rate has not changed much since she was discharged, and we have a follow up on Friday.  She is very irritable in the mornings (who isn't?), and tires very easily.  She had become accustomed to an elevated heart rate and always being hot, so she doesn't realize when it's in a danger zone.  I'd prefer to keep her at home and watch her 24/7, but I think that might make her homicidal.  In addition, her doctor wanted her to resume her normal routine, with restrictions to any physical activity.  She also accused me of being a helicopter mom (guilty), so I'm trying very hard to give her some freedom while keeping an eye on her from afar (I made her wear a fitbit so I could monitor her HR at all times).  Finding that balance of supervision and giving freedom is a challenge all parents face, but increasingly difficult for this self-professed tiger mom.

I purposely did not look up thyroid storm while in the hospital, and I'm glad I didn't.  I know the physiology of the functions and regulations of hormones, per my academic training.  I did not know of all the diseases that result in disease, or complications from those diseases.  In a nutshell, thyroid storms are very rare, and are frequently fatal.  We are very fortunate they caught it in the clinic, and very glad they were aggressive in her treatment.

I am praying for a remission, but the likelihood is small.  We will know more on Friday, and until then, it's hoping and praying while learning a new normal for my perfect little girl.