Saturday, January 7, 2012

God's not so small creatures

God loves all creatures, big and small.  At least that's what I was taught when I was younger and too stupid to know any better.  Now that I'm much bigger and slightly less stupid, I think this is flawed, and the nuns who taught me this were probably laughing behind their veils.

I'm pretty sure mosquitoes and all flying insects are examples that not only humans, but God makes mistakes.  It is unseasonably warm in January, but I hardly think warm enough for this: I opened the door leading to the garage yesterday, and a horsefly the size of a small pterodactyl flew into the house.  I finally cornered the germ-infested flying bastard to a window, hit it with a fly swatter with enough force to make Ethan feel the ripple effect from the other room, picked up the carcass with a napkin and squished it before unceremoniously crushing it into the trash can.  I did NOT want that nasty creature to have any chance of coming back.

I left the house for 3 hours.  I may or may not have been going out to lunch and shopping, spending Sam's hard-earned money almost faster than he can make it.  This is not a confessional, and what's more, that's neither here nor there.  So, when I got back, I had to throw something (I think it belonged to Sam and was offending my natural balance of the chaos in the kitchen) away, and opened the trash can.  That filthy, disgusting creature HOPPED OUT OF THE TRASH CAN AND ONTO MY KITCHEN FLOOR!!!!!

So then I realized maybe these nasty bastards are not God's mistakes, but more like a harsh shove (no gentle nudges from The Big Guy) and cackle of "Did you really think you'd get away with that?"