Anh vs. Spanx

Working in the beauty industry, I have noticed nobody appreciates the size they are, until they are no longer that size. This is not about the pressures society puts on girls and women to be a particular size, or anything of that nature.  This is also not my attempt at fishing for compliments, because I know what I look like, and I know what I need to do if I want to change things. 

This is about the evil that is spanx.

Earlier this week, I had a very important meeting.  So important that I decided to pull out my lucky suit, the one I wore to my defense 7 years and 20 pounds ago.  I probably should have tried it on earlier than an hour before the meeting, but hey, let's not judge on this beautiful Fall day.

The first sign things might be amiss was when I put on the blazer, my arms could barely squeeze through.  Guns?  Uh, no.  Unless you count overstuffed sausages as "muscles"...not so much.  Putting that aside, I went on a fervent hunt for my tried and true spanx.  This baby wears like a high-waisted underwear, tucking everything in nice and tight.  I don't know where or how it squeezes everything in (I suspect squishing all the fat together and minimizing the space between cells), but it does it.  Of course, it also holds EVERYTHING in, so when you finally relieve the pent up gas, you will shoot through the room like a jet-pack.

I don't know when I bought that spanx, but I suspect it was also 20 pounds ago.  Getting into it without pulling a muscle or breaking a bone was nothing short of a miracle.  If I ever attempt this again, it might be best to employ Sam's help.  He would have to hold it, and I will just have to pray that when I jump off the roof, I hit my target and avoid injury.  After much thought, manipulating, praying, and negotiating, I pulled it on.  Everything in my torso tucked in, I was able to pull on my skirt AND pull up the zipper.  Score!!!

Then I looked in the mirror.

Two pigs fighting under a blanket is one way to put it.  Two pigs fighting inside a toddler-sized sleeping bag is more accurate.  And on top of that, you could see the underwear line!  Horror of all horrors!!!  Then, I did the unthinkable--I tried to walk.  I've never really given much thought to the art of being a geisha, but I'm pretty sure I have the walk/shuffle down pat, except for the fact I don't think geishas shuffle because they are pulling two fighting pigs inside a too-small sleeping bag behind them. 

Time was running short.  Very short.  If you are eating, or plan on eating anytime in the near future (like ever), you might stop reading.  I take no responsibility for you becoming a bulimic after reading what follows.

Once I got past the shuffle, I thought "Forget it.  Just go with it.  It's too late, and there's not another suit in the closet."  But as I shuffled away, I realized I. Could. Not. Do. It.  I could not go into a very important meeting, skirt stretched beyond capacity in the front AND back, so tight you could tell if I had shaved my thighs or not.  So, I shuffled back to my room, shimmied out of the skirt, and peeled the devil spanx off.  It may or may not have ricocheted off the wall and broken the ceiling fan.  Either way, I'm in the market for a new ceiling fan for my bedroom.

I rifled through my drawer and found a thong underwear (is that what you call it?!!), pulled it on, shimmied back into the skirt, and prayed to God and any deity that might be listening that nothing falls out.

Stupid, evil spanx.  I'll be getting another one when I buy a new suit.

An open letter to the Board of Education regarding the resignation of Dr. Doug Sumner

Today, it was formally announced that our superintendent, Dr. Doug Sumner, resigned from USD 232.  I wrote this letter and sent it to all members of the Board of Education, as well as teachers who have had my children in school.  I think it is important to be the change you want to see.  I will not sit back, complain, or throw my hands in the air and lament "I can't make a difference."  Because I will make a difference.  I will be the change I want to see.  Please join me.

*****************************

Dear Members of the USD 232 Board of Education,

As an elected official in an unpaid position, thank you for your service.  I am sure most of you are mindful of the fact that although you are chosen to represent your constituents, your post is won by popular vote in the event you face any opposition.  As such, your voice is not necessarily representative of my voice.  However, as an elected official, you are trusted to truly represent the views of your populace, leaving your personal views aside.

The news of the resignation of Dr. Doug Sumner as our superintendent is inarguably against the wishes of all parents and teachers within USD 232.  This is a tremendous loss and blow to our district.  During Dr. Sumner’s tenure at USD 232, as you know, the state slashed funding numerous times, and parents were asked more and more to contribute supplies and time to ensure our children would continue to get an education that clearly supersedes what the State has determined to be worthy.  As much as parents were willing to donate their time and resources, we cannot supplement our teachers’ salaries, nor can we pay them what they deserve.  When you spend a mere 30 minutes in the classroom, it is clear theirs is a job of passion, not financial gain.  Our teachers kept their posts, despite offers in other districts of higher pay, and I firmly believe it was because of Dr. Sumner’s leadership. 

When the news of Dr. Sumner’s resignation was made known, the first series of questions were “Why?  What happened?” There is plenty of blame to be had.

1.              Shame on me for not attending the BOE meetings to personally witness reports now of inappropriate behavior by a board member.  Shame on me for believing an elected official would put his personal agenda aside and truly work for the best interests of the people he is supposed to prioritize—the faculty, staff, and students.  Shame on anyone who did not vote to prevent this person’s election into this position, and shame on those to did vote for him to put him there. To this end, I will remain silent no more.  My voice will be heard, directly from me.

2.              Shame on Scott Hancock for his clearly inappropriate behavior—lacking professionalism, respect, or any degree of decorum.  Shame on him for using his position to push out Dr. Sumner.  It is far too late to do anything to bring Dr. Sumner back, nor would I expect him to return, given the lack of respect he was given.   To this end, I ask this board member to resign with dignity.  I am unclear as to what agenda you were trying to achieve, but your purpose was achieved, and your “work here is done”, so to speak.  I am asking that you step down with dignity before I take formal measures to have you removed from your post.  You do not reflect the views of the people you have been elected and trusted to represent. If you truly believe your views represent those of people in our community, it is repugnant in the extreme.

3.              Shame on any person for having allowed that board member to have so much authority, to cross so many boundaries.  Our children are taught a zero tolerance policy regarding disrespect, yet this person was allowed to behave in a manner so reprehensible it moved Dr. Sumner to resign from his position.  If a child behaved in this manner, that child would expect to be faced with severe consequences. 

Our community has been dealt a severe blow with the loss of Dr. Sumner as superintendent.  I wish Dr. Sumner the best as he moves into his next position, though his loss will be felt deeply.  I hope that as we move forward, we learn from what has happened.  I, for one, will be heard.

Regards,

Anh-Nguyet Nguyen

HOA woes, and the vicious pit bull they appointed treasurer

I'm not going to lie.  When we moved to Kansas City almost 9 years ago, I purposely looked into subdivisions with an HOA because I LIKE the idea of an HOA.  Call me what you will, say what you will (it IS your constitutional right, after all. In addition, I have been called Gladys from "Over the Hedge", which is only slightly inaccurate), but I like the idea of some degree of uniformity while still allowing individuality, living in an area where efforts to keep your home and surroundings beautiful are valued, and strange as it may sound, I like having neighbors.  Neighbors who are older so my children can interact with multiple generations and hopefully learn a healthy respect for their elders, neighbors with children their age so they can play, neighbors with different views than our own so that we can have diversity and a peaceful means to live amongst them.

Then, there are the other parts of living in a subdivision with an HOA.

A couple of years ago, one of my friends (who has since wisely moved away) convinced me to join the board.  With a relatively successful business that basically ran itself, I found myself with extra time, and I have always been an advocate of getting involved and giving back.  So, I agreed.  Not only did I agree to be on the board, I agreed to take on the role of treasurer without really considering all the duties it required.

Let's clarify a few things:
1.  I have been accused of being obsessively compulsive, which I think is necessary as a scientist, whether current or former.
2.  Although I am detail-oriented, I am happy to hand over the reins if someone else wants them.  Thus, I let Sam take care of our family finances, and I spend his money freely.
3.  Sam says I have no fiscal sense.  He has no malicious intent.  He is just very observant and honest.
4.  Although I spend Sam's money freely, I am very stingy with other people's money.  Sam wishes above all else it was the reverse.

Without going into details of all the colorful things that have been said, emailed, or mailed to me, I just want all those people to know a few things:

• I do not horde your money in a personal account.
• If I did horde your money in a personal account, surely you can concede my house and yard would look better, or rather, I wouldn't be living in this neighborhood anymore.
• I do not pay for lavish parties with HOA money. As the controller of the purse strings and enforcer of delinquent accounts, I am not well-liked (well, maybe that's for other reasons as well, but I personally think I'm hilarious and a peach), so do not get invited to parties. I will not pay for parties to which I am not invited.
• When you ask what you can plant in your yard, my first suggestion is grass.  And I do not mean cannibis.
• Get involved so you can join me in laughing at people who get mad at me.  I don't take a lot of things seriously, and you getting mad at me for doing my job is only going to make me laugh at you, which makes you even madder, which makes me laugh harder...and while I love laughing, I hate merry-go-rounds.
• If you're interested in building a 6 foot privacy fence, I would suggest you start at the curb because with that attitude, nobody wants to see you, either.  Don't forget the moat.  But be sure you get it approved by the Architecture Committee first, to which if you attend and get involved, you can head.
• Going to my house to "give me a piece of your mind" is not necessary.  I am confident you have little left to give away if you think it's prudent to yell at an adult in front of her children, and believe me, it's ALWAYS going to be in front of my children.  Savor what remains and just mail the payment, thank you.

Next meeting is March 4.  I wonder if I am going to need a bulletproof vest...